Inner Chaos

I am sitting beside her grave. As the clock ticks, I feel the tune she used to hum while tucking me in the bed. As soon as this thought crossed my mind, I remembered how life had been with her. My mother and I had a really strong bond that my brother used to envy. We were like best friends. From my first crush to first heartbreak, she always stood by my side and held me. She was there to comfort me in the worse than hell conditions. She was my pillar of strength, I knew this. But, what I didn’t know was how much dependent I was on her. The realization struck me hard the day when she was gone. Not like Gone to a vacation or something, gone as in gone forever. Everything went downhill from that day. My pillar of strength was not by my side to support me when I was the weakest and vulnerable. My father and brother weren’t able to provide me any sort of comfort. I was breaking from the inside. My world shattered around me. I didn’t know what to do. One thing clicked in my mind to calm my inner chaos! Alcohol, the liquid courage! Seeking help in the harsh burn of alcohol, I was wasted totally and was out of my senses to know what was happening around me. I didn’t know what I was doing until it was too late. I got a hard blow when I ended up in the hospital after my senseless drinking and sexcapade. I was pregnant! A life was inside me. It depended on me. How could I take responsibility for another life when my own was a living hell. I wished my mother was alive to give me some rational thinking. But she wasn’t. So, I did the next irrational thing that came to my mind. I drank a lot! I tried to kill the baby in my womb from excessive drinking!
I thought I was successful in my plan but when the weight of what I did settle in, the shock anchored down my wrecked condition and somehow it stopped my irrational behavior but I was never the same.
Life would never be the same without her.


B.N: Hello everyone!
Late post, again.
Sorry for such late posts.
Next post will be up soon. (99.99% sure)
Thank you for all your support and motivation.❤

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